kids are our hope .The bliss of having kids is one of the greatest blessings Allah gave us. In addition, loving our kids is so deeply embedded in our nature as humans that is why our kids are the joy and adornment of the worldly life.
Allah said ” Wealth and sons are allurements of the life of this world: But the things that endure, good deeds, are best in the sight of thy Lord, as rewards, and best as (the foundation for) hopes”
In fact, being a parent is a matter of joy and happiness .The excitement, expectation, joy and sense of responsibility all go together to make up the love for your kids that you had no idea you had the capacity. It is such a special moment to see your child become a good member in the society.
In fact, this joy and adornment only occurs by the righteousness of our kids, being on the straight path and having good morals. If all of that did not happen, our kids will be a curse and a reason of suffering in this worldly life.
That is why raising your kids is a heavy reasonability and a great Amana. Allah says ; ”Allah doth command you to render back your Trusts to those to whom they are due” and the ones who are due here are our kids .Raising our kids is considered as a kind of worshipping Allah as the reality of the term is a type of calling to Allah(Dawah), as you raise your kids in worshipping Allah and fearing Him. Your parenting style with your kid can affect their feeling about themselves and their characters in the future. Thus, in this article, we will discuss 3 wrong parenting styles you shall avoid as they have horrible effects on your kids.
3 Types of Parenting styles and their effects on your kids.
According to researchers, there are a lot of types of parenting styles and each one has different characteristics, yet we will discuss 3 types of them;
1-Authoritarian style towards kids
Do any of these statements sound like you?
- You control your children and prevent them from their own desires even if they were legitimate.
- You force your children to do tasks that exceed their estimated capacity and power.
- You use violence and deprivation with your children
- You impose your children to wear the clothes you want, eat the food you like and choose friends you are okay with.
If any of these statements above happen, then you are an authoritative father.
Parents use Authoritarian style thinking that this style benefits their children, but they do not know that this style is extremely harmful for their children psychological health and for their characters in the future. As a result, the children grow up without having their own character and without creativity .They cannot express their opinions or even enter any discussion The kids are worrier, shy and have heightened sensitivity towards everything .
Also, they lose their self-confidence and always feel reduction. Using the Authoritarian style in teaching them Quran and Islamic studies is extremely dangerous too. Parents instead of forcing their children to just memorize Quran and attending Lectures about Islam, they shall realize that memorizing Quran need wellness, encouragement and understanding of verses .
Also, parents shall be aware that doing hifz (memorizing Quran) of Quran requires great effort ,dedication and focus .Parents shall never beat their children to memorize Quran as it will make them hate Quran and maybe their religion too. It is so much better if they memorize what they can when they can and also parents shall never forget to encourage them as much as they can and create a schedule for them to memorize.
Neglectful style towards children
In this parenting neglectful style, the parents are uninvolved and neglectful .This parenting style is characterized by lack of responsiveness to the need of their children. Parents leave them without encouragement to any good behavior and without punishment for any bad behavior that is because they are busy with their work.
The father spends most of his time at work then come home to just eat and sleep and the mother is busy with family visiting, phone, internet or television. To overcome this style, parents shall Wake up from deep stability and realize the catastrophe that will happen to their children in the future. As they will surely leave this neglectful environment and search for an environment that can give them full interest to relieve all their needs. Never follow this style with them in teaching them Quran as they will grow up knowing nothing about their religion.
Thus, the money you were collecting will not save them from hell fire in case they were in a stay in their worldly life.Ibn ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported;
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects, the man is a guardian of his family, the woman is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Permissive parenting style towards your children
Permissive parenting is just what its name suggests. It is a manner of parenting in which permission is common than anything else. Parents try to be friends to their children and try to set rules to them but they fail to let the kids follow them. It is often shown as an ideal in movies and television shows. In this parenting style the parents step in when there is a serious problem .In this style, parents suffer a lot and tend to have health problems as obesity.